What is Anticipatory Grief and How Do People Deal With It?
What do you think of when you hear the word “grief”? Typically, people conceive of grief as being the set of emotions we experience after sustaining a great loss, such as that of a loved one. However, this is not the full extent of what grief is. We can also experience grief before a loss or a traumatic situation has even occurred. This phenomenon is referred to as “anticipatory grief.” The situations that can cause us to experience this form of grief are varied, as are the emotions and mental states associated with it. Anticipatory grief manifests differently in each person and is perceived differently by others. Likewise, the ways in which people respond to and manage anticipatory grief are also varied, and there exist many pathways to overcoming this set of emotions.
When a traumatic event, such as the death of a loved one, the loss of a job, or the end of a friendship or a relationship, is approaching, someone fearing this loss might experience a number of emotions. They might feel depression and sorrow over the approaching loss or trauma, as well as anxiety over the impact the loss or trauma will have on them and their lives. They might perceive things as surreal and feel like they are in a dream. They might experience anger and frustration, or a sense of numbness. All these emotions can be part of anticipatory grief. In a sense, people going through anticipatory grief preemptively mourn the loss they are about to go through. They may also exhibit an increased concern or preoccupation with the person or thing they are about to lose. People experiencing anticipatory grief often start mentally preparing themselves for the loss. An example of this phenomenon is rehearsing the response to a death or a firing. In the stage of anticipatory grief, it is common for people to begin saying their goodbyes to the person or thing they are about to lose, and they will seek a sense of closure. Seeking closure before the death occurs can help to alleviate the grief that comes afterwards.
Anticipatory Grief Before a Death
Most of the information on anticipatory grief available on the web seems to indicate that it is a phenomenon exclusively experienced before the death of a loved one. Death is certainly a situation in which anticipatory grief arises. A person with a dying loved one feels the sadness and pain of loss, anxiety and depression. They will have an intensified concern for their loved one who is dying, and might worry about any kind of discomfort they may be in and try their best to make their final days as painless as possible. They might resolve any issues they may have had with their loved ones, say their goodbyes, and mentally prepare themselves for the death. It is important to understand, however, that the death of a loved one is not the only situation in which anticipatory grief can manifest.
Anticipatory Grief Before the Loss of a Friendship
If a person is growing apart from a friend, due to a divergence of interests and hobbies, a move, or an unresolvable dispute, they might experience anticipatory grief. Parting with a friend can cause a person to feel depressed and anxious about dealing with loneliness and finding new friends. Depending on the reasons for the end of the friendship, they might try to spend as much time as they can with their friend before they part ways. They may spend large amounts of time thinking about places they can meet new people. They may begin mentally preparing themselves to part from their friend, and might start rehearsing how they will respond to the end of the friendship when it happens.
Anticipatory Grief Before the Loss of a Romantic Relationship
Similar symptoms can manifest before the end of a romantic relationship. A person going through a divorce or breakup can exhibit depression and anxiety over separating from someone they loved, and worry about how they will find happiness without their significant other. They may begin to prepare to be single again. Some people in this situation might immediately start looking for a new relationship, while others might wait before making themselves available again. People going through a divorce or breakup may also seek to gain closure by understanding why the relationship didn’t work.
Anticipatory Grief Before the Loss of a Job
Of the many situations which can cause anticipatory grief, losing a job is a particularly relevant one in light of recent economic difficulties. If a person has been fired or has even just heard rumors of downsizing, they may develop anticipatory grief. They may experience depression and a low sense of self-worth. They may feel anxious about how they will provide for themselves and their families, and might worry about not being able to find a new job. They may work overtime and try to increase their productivity. They may begin going over how they will respond if and when their manager informs them that they have been laid off.
There are many more situations that can lead to anticipatory grief, more than can be discussed in detail here. Losing anything or anyone that you feel connected to can cause you to experience anticipatory grief. But what do you do in these situations? How do people get through anticipatory grief? There are many methods and strategies people can use to manage their anticipatory grief. These methods operate on different levels, and can reduce the impact of different aspects of anticipatory grief. Some of them might seem natural, while others might be new to many people.
How To Deal With Anticipatory Grief
One of these strategies is to find ways to express what you are feeling. This is not limited only to speaking with friends and loved ones, but also includes things like using artistic means to convey your emotions and writing in a journal. This can help you make sense of what you are going through and can relieve some of the burden of carrying these feelings inside. Another strategy is to try and keep your life running as it was before the anticipatory grief manifested. Continue observing your habits and following your routines. This can help reduce anxiety. It is also beneficial to obtain a good understanding of the situation you are in. For example, if you are experiencing anticipatory grief due to losing a job, it would help to learn what kind of severance your company offers and what kind of jobs are available on the market.
Grief counseling or coaching is another useful resource for people going through anticipatory grief. A grief counselor can help guide you through the process of anticipatory grief and give you the tools you need to manage it. Therapy sessions are also beneficial in dealing with anticipatory grief. This is the case not only because talking about your emotions helps alleviate the burden of keeping them bottled up inside, but also because therapists can provide you with personalized strategies to deal with your emotions and overcome anticipatory grief.
Loss is a part of life. As we move through the world, we are bound to lose things which are dear to us. These losses can be painful and can cause emotional turmoil, some of which we begin to experience before the loss has even occurred. Anticipatory grief can be debilitating, but there are different ways to cope with and manage it. It is important to express how you are feeling and connect with those you trust, and seek professional assistance if necessary. Anticipatory grief is a part of life, but it does not have to dominate your life.
